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Hopes and Dreams? I’ve got a Plane to Catch!

April 5, 2011

Someone close to me, someone who gave up on once sincere passions, inspired this.

When I was 21, I told myself I’d be able to write while I teach.  So far it hasn’t worked out like that, and there are several reasons why.  For about 2 or 3 years now I’ve had this fear that my youthful idealism would eventually fade, and I’d be sitting around making excuses for why I never got anything published, never played music for a crowd, never travelled around South America and learned Spanish, never became one of those people who can “fix anything” – for example.

My other fear is that I’d be sitting around not even regretting not doing such things.  Instead, I’d be sitting around pretending (or actually believing) that such things were never a big part of my life.  The third avenue of thought this takes me is that this fear is just my own creation.  If I lose interest in writing or movies or music, it may not be because I “failed” but perhaps it’s something that just no longer thrills me.  Of course losing that intrinsic desire for something special in my life (and being okay with it) is a sad thing in itself.

I read somewhere that from age 25-35 are generally the most productive years of persons life.  It’s also the age range when people, to put it plainly, give up on their dreams.  It’s true these things happen (probably more often then we realize because I bet many people don’t care to share such insights).  From the outsider’s perspective this is a sad thing.  “Oh, Jimmy always did want to be ______ …what happened…he just lose interest?”  These things happen.  People have these clear definitive dreams at some point, and they fizzle away.  But it’s not so much the actual event of one’s mind losing this once vivid dream.  What scares me is the apathy that replaces, the new state of mind that has taken over – so to speak.  But as goes life.

When we’re 7, everybody and their brother will someday play in the NBA.  But with each passing year into and through adolescence, that number of wanna-be ballers deflates.  As with our dreams as we grow through adolescence – emergent adulthood – and into adulthood, less of us dream about nailing a buzzer-beater in the Finals.  But most people are fine with this!  Many kids just played because their parents made them.  What’s my issue?  I can feel at times I’m losing interest in my interests.  For example, I fear more the reason for losing my interest in writing rather than the actual act of losing it.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Tickets for Thailand and Cambodia are booked.

3rd quarter report cards are finished.

Spring Break is in 2 days.

I can think about my hopes and dreams later.  I’m out!

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